What Is the Deal with Thinkin' Lincoln?
Hi there! My name's Miles, and I make this comic and website. If you're like a lot of people without brain problems, when you first got here you found yourself pretty confused. For example, perhaps you thought to yourself, "What the heck is going on here? What's the deal with this website? Why did Abe Lincoln just lick those things?"
This page is designed to explain why Abe Lincoln licked those things. Figuratively.
The Cast of Characters
This comic has a lot of characters, and I'm always adding more. Generally, the characters are the floating heads of historical figures, but not always. Also my versions of dudes only occasionally bear any resemblance to their actual historical personalities.
Click here for a long but non-comprehensive list of characters.
Here are some of my favorite comics from the archives.
Featured Story Arcs
- Abe fights the forces of pie hatred: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
- How the President Got His Beard, a Just So Story: 1, 2, 3.
- Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla fight! 1, 2, 3, 4.
- Everyone is in Ernest Shackleton's way: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
- A rare moment when Lincoln actually thinks about things: 1, 2.
- Abe tries to remember if anyone actually likes him: 1, 2, 3, 4.
- Abe gets a new TV: 1, 2, 3.
Thinkin' Lincoln isn't a story comic and doesn't worry too much about continuity, but here are some facts that it might be useful to know when reading the comic:
- Lincoln invented an object called the Poly-Logistical Orientation Transposer (P.L.O.T.) Device that allows him to teleport, time-travel, or whatever else is narratively convenient.
- Lincoln, Darwin, and Rasputin are members of a group called the Beard Battalion and can combine their forces to summon a giant mech called Beardtron who resembles a certain Japanese cartoon giant 80's robot, except with a beard.
- Lincoln can never remember who Hannibal Hamlin was, despite the fact that he was in fact Lincoln's first vice president.
- Rasputin is a dental student, or maybe he's a full dentist now.
- Washington has dated Mary Todd Lincoln, and Lincoln is currently dating Martha Washington.
- Punxsutawney Phil is sometimes Lincoln's son. Darwin is sometimes a medical doctor.
- Lincoln's son Robert sometimes shows up. Robert looks exactly like Abraham, except with fewer wrinkles.
- Canada was forced to launch itself back into space.
- Lincoln sometimes wears a bucket on his head as a cyber-helmet to protect him from the internet.
- Washington is scared of plants.
- Lincoln, Washington, Queen Elizabeth II, and Rasputin are in a band called Palsy Dolphin.
- On the moon, there's a double of everyone on earth except they wear a space helmet.
- The police force is composed entirely of clones of Don Knotts, or something.
- The "Newton Maneuver" is just licking at improbable angles.
- Washington has the power to know anybody's birthday.